Defanged Lion

What constitutes a spiritual trial?  

Could a period of spiritual dryness be, in fact, a trial? 

Or is it merely an indication of undiscovered sin festering in my heart. 

I've been struggling with feelings of inadequacy in being a believer. 

I don't seem... "clean" enough to be one.

 And I don't spend hours in the Bible daily like the rest of my family. 

I don't feel the same convictions as deep. 

Every time I meet someone new I feel twisted and conflicted inside. 

I say I am a Christian- that's supposed to mean something. 

That I've been saved and that I live a life that mimics Christ.

But I don't want to put on a facade. 

How do I say,

 "Hi my name's Alicia, I've done everything wrong in my life, but Christ saved me and I'm a Christian- but even though I'm on the right side now, I still suck at life and often make stupid decisions... sooo just because I'm a Christian does not mean that I'm wearing white and a really cool halo." 

Does any one else feel like they weren't necessarily designed to be a Christian? Stupid idea, I know. But, ever since I re-commited my life to the Lord I feel like a defanged lion. I feel like part of me is gone and I'm bored and restless and unsettled and I'm looking for something new. 

I believe this is what they call "Double Minded"  -  how do you get less Double Minded? 

Do I just not have enough faith, or do I not want a righteous relationship with God enough?