Jesus Nuggets

For this weeks blog I wanted to go through and write out a few of the lessons God has been teaching me! 

The goal of the call of God is His satisfaction, not simply that we should do something for Him. We are not sent to do battle for God, but to be used by God in His battles. Am I more devoted to service than I am to Jesus Christ Himself?

If I obey God, it sometimes means that other's plans are upset. It is impossible to seek both man's approval and God's at the same time. So, who's am I seeking?

Salvation is not just having your eyes open. Salvation means that we are bought to a place where we are able to receive something from God on the authority of Jesus Christ, namely, forgiveness of sin. Many people have just had their "eyes opened" and do not actually receive the forgiveness and act upon it. 

It is so easy to quickly abandon the truth especially because there are so many different options out there. But there is only ONE truth. 

Its easier to give up my good plans for Christ than my shame, guilt, and regret. I sometimes use my shame to define me. Why? Jesus is more beautiful than my shame. 

Hope you enjoyed some of these Jesus nuggets!!!

Different Point of View

Sometimes, another person's point of view speaks more volume than my own voice possibly could. This was written by my best friend and I think it offers a glimpse into the theme of my week. 

She was in pain.

She was always in pain.

She tried the steps of healing.

Pouting until people ran out of pity.

Then smiling when they got tired of listening.

Praying when it was clear no one understood.

And when prayers take too long to be answered,

self-control begins to leak from the trembling

hands she holds pressed to her chest,

fingertips pointing straight up to the heavens

like the hair down a dog's spine when they sense

a threat nearby. Because she didn't know where

her prayers were drifting off to, or if they're even

lifting, reaching skywards in pursuit of God

in the moments each leaves her lips.

She's still left hurting.

So she breaks through the steps of coping

and opens the liquor cabinet each night when

she thinks everyone else is asleep. But I'm not.

I'm there watching and watching and watching

and watching and watching, not understanding

why my prayers haven't been answered either.

Written by: Alexa Bolton

Extreme Personalities BOOM!

Even as an extrovert I am extremely introspective, I am constantly searching my heart, analyzing my true motives, and trying to sort out my personality. (maybe that's one of the reasons I'm a psych major!)

It's probably no surprise to anyone when I say I have an extreme personality; everything I do is with my full heart and then some.

I choose to work in fast paced, high stress environments (like an ER or the most risky and dangerous unit in the psych ward).

When I smoked, my starting point was half a pack a day. (Apparently that's not entirely normal)

A night out drinking was never successful unless I was completely hammered and peeing in a strange, public location. (I have marked my territory in some pretttttyy cool places)

 I will stop at nothing unless my grades are as perfect as I can make them.

My loyalty doesn't stop when a friend dies over six years ago- I still think about her often and make sure that her life is always excessively celebrated on her death day.

My method of communication is bold, brutally honest (with love) and basically loud.

Exercise bores me unless it involves a boxing ring and a full grown man sparing with me.

Thank God I never did drugs because I would definitely be in jail!

Even as a mascot in high school I rigged my suit with a camel back so I could be constantly hydrating myself so I could dance the entire football games without a break. (most mascots over-heat in 20-30 minutes and its a rule that you stop and rest or else your body can't keep up). I had a "never stop moving policy" whenever I was in the suit- so I was never still for a single moment. There were at least three occasions that I pushed myself to a near heat stroke and ended up passing out from over exertion- and yet the next day I would be up and performing at the same level.

I live with chronic pain (from hurting myself in sports and not stopping when my body was shouting at me with warnings) and I still live going 100mph. I only stop when I literally can't get out of bed because the pain is too severe.

My daily schedule is so jammed pack that hanging out with me is like scheduling a drs. appointment.

I could go on- but its probably fair to say I've made my point.

Why am I sharing this with you? Good question!!! So happy you asked!!

I was sitting in my garage just thinking about both the many problems this has caused and can cause in my daily life but also the benefits. There are so many positive things that can come from having a personality like mine.

But mostly- the real question - is how can I harness my energy and passion to serve GODS kingdom?

I would love thoughts and input on this for sure-

I've noticed that the times in my life when I am walking with God and hearing his voice that he quickly takes the reigns and aims my 'loose cannon' personality to do some serious work for HIS glory. But I usually get reckless and over excited and pull back control- and when that doesn't satisfy my ever craving for life and fulfillment I channel it to worldly passions and pursuits.

So- I'm coming to you guys with my flaws and asking for help. How do I stay consistent with yielding control to our Father?

Please, as my community- will you come along side me and help me keep my extremes focused on Christ and His passions?

Backpedalling

I feel like I'm going backwards - not being able to hear from God. 

I feel lonely and abandoned by Him

Have you been in the word?  

      

     No

Well there you go. 

Amber told me she could tell my heart hurt. 

That I was slipping

It's really all up to you, whether you really want to slip or not. 

No one else can make that choice except you

That's true

When Sacrifice is Abused

Hey slices,

So, I just read Erin's blog and it reminded me of our conversation on Sunday and how friendship is defined as "sacrifice" and something really stirred up with me and I apologize if I come off strong - I'm Italian so I get loud and use alot of hand gestures.. it's a thing.

I have an awesome new roommate and I just finished sharing with her parts of my story, so my emotions are slightly raw this second, so maybe I shouldn't be blogging.... but here is the deal.
I don't get why friendships are supposed to be sacrifice. Erin said that she thought friendship should be defined as laughing together, calling each other out, giving grace - the usual idea. I agreed.

When I was 16 years old I entered into a "friendship" with my neighbor, who was much older than I (38 at the time).  And I was taught "sacrifice," "love your neighbor as yourself," "self-sacrificial love," "love like Christ." I was told that I was loving Jesus by giving up my life for my neighbor. I wasn't allowed to have friends at school because my neighbor wouldn't let me, and to make a very, very long story short, it ended up being a legal situation and I had to be removed because of the abusive nature of our relationship.

Cool, whatever, people get abused when they are little- its no big deal. But a few years later, when I decided that Christians weren't on this planet to manipulate me to do things in the name of "Christ's sacrificial love" I befriended two Christian girls at my high school. Everything was great, we three became the seniors who were the examples to the youngin's on what a Christian high schooler should look like. Well, a group of three girl best friends doesn't really work out when two of them were best friends for ten years and I was the new girl infringing on their turf. One girl got jealous and decided the best way would be to spread false rumors about me that I was an alcoholic and a drug dealer. Didn't matter that I had never touched alcohol or weed, my reputation tanked and my whole school (except the partiers of course) alienated me because I was a "hypocrite" and a liar. I was outcasted and then, lived up to my new identity because the non-christians were the only ones who would take me in.

I spent the next two years still loving the girl who turned on me, fighting for the friendship, and trying to be loyal despite everything. After all, we were best friends, and I was supposed to love like Christ. And Judas betrayed Christ and He still loved him.

College, similar experiences. Friendships that didn't end up being healthy that I pledged loyalty to and stuck through no matter what. I was the queen of sacrificing myself for others. I lost who I was.

 I don't sacrifice anymore. It doesn't work out. When you sacrifice, people abuse you and they have no problems wringing you out until there is nothing left.

I know my friendships in the past didn't model "health"- but ever since I stopped sacrificing for people- my friendships have been so much better, I have been free, I know who I am, and when people are unhealthy in my life I don't stick around. I don't let myself sacrifice for others unless they are in my inner circle.

Is that bad? Why would I sacrifice if people are going to abuse that love?

Defanged Lion

What constitutes a spiritual trial?  

Could a period of spiritual dryness be, in fact, a trial? 

Or is it merely an indication of undiscovered sin festering in my heart. 

I've been struggling with feelings of inadequacy in being a believer. 

I don't seem... "clean" enough to be one.

 And I don't spend hours in the Bible daily like the rest of my family. 

I don't feel the same convictions as deep. 

Every time I meet someone new I feel twisted and conflicted inside. 

I say I am a Christian- that's supposed to mean something. 

That I've been saved and that I live a life that mimics Christ.

But I don't want to put on a facade. 

How do I say,

 "Hi my name's Alicia, I've done everything wrong in my life, but Christ saved me and I'm a Christian- but even though I'm on the right side now, I still suck at life and often make stupid decisions... sooo just because I'm a Christian does not mean that I'm wearing white and a really cool halo." 

Does any one else feel like they weren't necessarily designed to be a Christian? Stupid idea, I know. But, ever since I re-commited my life to the Lord I feel like a defanged lion. I feel like part of me is gone and I'm bored and restless and unsettled and I'm looking for something new. 

I believe this is what they call "Double Minded"  -  how do you get less Double Minded? 

Do I just not have enough faith, or do I not want a righteous relationship with God enough?

Now What?

I'm laying on the cold hard ground, rock bottom I think its called. As my consciousness runs away from me I know I am in trouble, that I am dying, that I need help. As my tired eyes close and my abused heart beats one last time, I catch a glimpse of my father rushing to my aid.

My dad is a doctor- some say the designer and creator of life. He had never been that to me. But when I awake, I hurt. In my dazed state and confusion Abba sat next to me and explained what happened. I had made a stupid choices and despite His warnings had gone to far. He stepped in at the last second, when my heart was giving out and he brought me back- but the internal damage had been substantial and several hours of emergency surgery was necessary to save my life. A lot of me was removed, most of me actually, but it was the only way I could have a new life. He looked me in the eyes and gently explained to me that everything was going to hurt for awhile, but that was apart of the healing process.

He would hold my hand through every single step.

I had to relearn how to think, how to chose my words, how to sit up, how to breathe. He gave me a new community to help with the physical therapy.

Now I can sit up all by myself and the stitches only hurt when I bump them. I'm ready to start walking. But where do I walk to? I feel like my dad is still there, but there are other people for Him to save. Where do I go now? How do I keep learning and growing?

Abba saved my life...but now I have to live it... and I'm not quite sure how to do that.

He wrote me a love letter to help guide me- but for some reason I have a hard time understanding it.