Hey slices,
So, I just read Erin's blog and it reminded me of our conversation on Sunday and how friendship is defined as "sacrifice" and something really stirred up with me and I apologize if I come off strong - I'm Italian so I get loud and use alot of hand gestures.. it's a thing.
I have an awesome new roommate and I just finished sharing with her parts of my story, so my emotions are slightly raw this second, so maybe I shouldn't be blogging.... but here is the deal.
I don't get why friendships are supposed to be sacrifice. Erin said that she thought friendship should be defined as laughing together, calling each other out, giving grace - the usual idea. I agreed.
When I was 16 years old I entered into a "friendship" with my neighbor, who was much older than I (38 at the time). And I was taught "sacrifice," "love your neighbor as yourself," "self-sacrificial love," "love like Christ." I was told that I was loving Jesus by giving up my life for my neighbor. I wasn't allowed to have friends at school because my neighbor wouldn't let me, and to make a very, very long story short, it ended up being a legal situation and I had to be removed because of the abusive nature of our relationship.
Cool, whatever, people get abused when they are little- its no big deal. But a few years later, when I decided that Christians weren't on this planet to manipulate me to do things in the name of "Christ's sacrificial love" I befriended two Christian girls at my high school. Everything was great, we three became the seniors who were the examples to the youngin's on what a Christian high schooler should look like. Well, a group of three girl best friends doesn't really work out when two of them were best friends for ten years and I was the new girl infringing on their turf. One girl got jealous and decided the best way would be to spread false rumors about me that I was an alcoholic and a drug dealer. Didn't matter that I had never touched alcohol or weed, my reputation tanked and my whole school (except the partiers of course) alienated me because I was a "hypocrite" and a liar. I was outcasted and then, lived up to my new identity because the non-christians were the only ones who would take me in.
I spent the next two years still loving the girl who turned on me, fighting for the friendship, and trying to be loyal despite everything. After all, we were best friends, and I was supposed to love like Christ. And Judas betrayed Christ and He still loved him.
College, similar experiences. Friendships that didn't end up being healthy that I pledged loyalty to and stuck through no matter what. I was the queen of sacrificing myself for others. I lost who I was.
I don't sacrifice anymore. It doesn't work out. When you sacrifice, people abuse you and they have no problems wringing you out until there is nothing left.
I know my friendships in the past didn't model "health"- but ever since I stopped sacrificing for people- my friendships have been so much better, I have been free, I know who I am, and when people are unhealthy in my life I don't stick around. I don't let myself sacrifice for others unless they are in my inner circle.
Is that bad? Why would I sacrifice if people are going to abuse that love?
